Dear Kashif,

While I still have your ear, I want to leave you with 10 more hard truths. Each one of these is a prompt. That’s your goal for the next week. Write about each of these things so you understand where you stand. I’m sure you can spare 10 mins to do that. We can chat about them after Easter.

I have people in my life who push me to my limit over and over again but because they love me, I know their intentions are to see me thrive not to make me feel small. I have fought with them and cried with them but every time they picked me up, I got stronger and braver and better and I kept going back to them for more. You don’t have anyone to do this for you … you have friends who share your life with but no one has the balls, cares enough about you to sacrifice for you, or knows you enough to say to you what I will. I’d like you to think about them and find a resolution for yourself.

  1. Consider, your dad and you to be like the same animal but with different beasts. Your desires are equivalent to his need to amass wealth. What would you say to him to make him change? Say that to yourself. Why do you think he won’t change? Why won’t you? What are the roadblocks exactly? And if you can conquer your vices … you will have the skills and the prowess to make him better too. He will sense your worth and lean in.
  2. Just like Zainab is at a stage in her life where all she craves is attention, are you at the same stage? Do you define your self-worth by the women that chase you? The only way you will ever feel worthy is if you DO something worthwhile and get the acknowledgment that comes with It just like the painting with Zeshan’s name on it. Do you agree? Explain.
  3. You have to set the right example for your children NOW about what a mature partnership/relationship looks like so that in the future when they are older, they do not have commitment issues and they find the right people from the get-go. It’s not always trial-and-error, sometimes you hit the jackpot with minimum effort. You show them how you grew, the mistakes you made, and how you persevered through thick and thin to really put the work in to reach a place that is remarkable. Sex without all the other things is like having food with no salt all the time. Tastes bland and never satisfies. Sex with 2000 women won’t give you as much comfort as lying in the lap or sleeping on the chest of someone who you trust, who loves you, and sacrifices for you. What are the simple pleasures you look forward to in a relationship? Make a list of 20 items that you love sharing with someone special.
  4. When you had steak at my place, I had made a salad with radishes in it. You picked them all out because you don’t like them, I’m guessing. What if I told you radishes will give you 5 extra years of your life, knowing you, you WILL acquire the taste for them. I’m the radish in your life. Once you get onto more meaningful things, you will never miss the chase. What else don’t you like in your salad? Write it down. You gotta start eating that too … 🙂
  5. Your mom raised you to be such a good person. If you can’t introduce her to the women that you talk to on Bumble, they aren’t worthy. Go back to first principles. Ask for repentance if you believe in that and even if you don’t, it helps with catharsis. Ramadan is the perfect time for delay gratifying, use it to your advantage. Be good to do good. Don’t plan to be bad as soon as it’s over, defeats the whole purpose of self-discipline. It’s like saying, oh I’ll go to the gym for a full month just so I can eat donuts for a month. Nullifies all effort. You might as well not fast if you are planning to fuck right after. List three things you have a hard time changing. List three ideas for each of the three that will propel you towards getting better at changing those things.
  6. Leaving you with quotes from the highly revered “Winnie the Pooh” – There is freedom waiting for you on the breezes of the sky and you ask: what if fall? Oh, but my darling … what if you fly? List three fears and three things that you love about yourself.
  7. I believe in you from every atom of my being. If only you could live in my mind for a minute, what would you see Kashif doing 6 months from now, 1 year from now, 5 years from now. 

6 months from now (my perspective)- That will be November 2022. A new school year will have started. Zainab will be in Grade 11 and Zeshan will be in Grade 7. I will be teaching a combination of ESL and Phys-Ed courses. I will most likely have finished a grueling schedule of coaching Girls Basketball in September and October at school as well as getting Zeshan ready for a new season of Basketball and also paying very close attention to Zainab’s studies as she gears up for decisions surrounding Post-secondary. As for my personal life, I hope by this time we have some clarity about my parent’s rental home and if they have to move back to evict the current renters of the property. I see myself often as the Captain of a ship that needs a steady hand at the controls. As long as the kids are at the ages they are, they require me to be the rock steady hands. More and more whether  I like it or not as well, these steady hands are going to have to be applied to my parents and their affairs since it is clear that Atif is not capable of this. Now, maybe the blog is a thing that I am still doing and maybe it is not. I know I did come to the project with earnest intentions and I know I have put forth a lot of work. Hopefully the website is up and it has gathered some steam by this point. Maybe, maybe not.  

1 year from now would be May 2023 (my perspective). I see myself getting ready for real adventures in the summer of 2023. Like a big travel trip of 2 weeks plus with the kids. Some real adventure. Maybe Asia. Maybe Europe. Something long lasting and memorable with the kids that is absolutely amazing. I see some home renovations in the summer of 2023 as well. Maybe a year from now, I will allow someone into my life. Someone I want to be real with, maybe not. I think by this point it will be on the radar. 1 year from now I hope and believe and pray things will be better for my Mom and my brother. Not perfect but better. She will be happier because she is getting out more and Atif will be feeling better and will be on better terms in a year and he will not be fixated on his impending doom and death but focused on living. I see adventures and improved family relationships and maybe time with that special someone. And the blog. It will be either much more of a thing or less of a thing. I will have decided and see traction or not by this point. I think my full life will be just as full with everything else as well. Basketball, Volleyball, spending time with friends. Aside from everything else I have talked about. 

6 months- 

  • See success from the blog project and be encouraged by that to work wholeheartedly
  • See monetary success from said project and be able to enjoy that with the kids.
  • Involve the kids more and more into the project so they can learn skills and be able to apply it to their lives
  • Be able to break down long constructed ideas and thoughts about life and see new/more possibilities. 

5 years-

  • In many ways, a new life. A life where finances are far less an issues and big dreams can be fulfilled. 
  • A partner that is suited to me is in my life is there and we share a new chapter together. 
  • The kids are embarking on fulfilling their own dreams and dreaming big as a result of seeing you do what have done.

8. Here is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – physiological needs are at the bottom of that pyramid. If you want to get to the top, you will have to battle all those impulses. Can you develop the right habits to do so? What are those habits?


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9. I’m not saying all of these things because I want you in my life. You know I do whether I say them or not. In fact, saying them makes it much worse. But I won’t have it any other way. You will have to trust me 100%. I swear to you, you will never ever look back at this period in your life. I can’t help you if you refuse to help yourself. And you will never be ready unless you are shook. This is as much of a rude awakening that I can offer. I can’t do much more. The rest is your journey. I will be totally ok because I know that I gave it my all. There is nothing I held back from you. And I have zero regrets. I would do it over again in a heartbeat because you are worthy. What happens when you can’t talk to me about anything? What are the top three things that you would think about or feel?

10. It’s not about how often you fall down, it’s about how quickly you pick yourself up. You saw me do it many times where I’ve collapsed but then bounced back in a short period of time. There will be many falls if you do choose to do this blog, book, courses, leave a legacy, a meaningful footprint in the community and in the world. You can touch more lives than you could imagine and look back and be proud or you could touch a lot of women who you probably won’t even remember a few years from now. To have the motivation to do big things, you will have to learn discipline. It will require every bit of effort. There will be no time for fooling around. The good news is, unlike me, you could have me in your corner to make it happen. With that kind of unconditional support, there are no chances at failure, only an upward spiral. Can you document your success for yourself? Dream big. Write it down.

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